Marriage, in its modern sense, has been mostly defined by the traditions of Christian society. As you may know, my view of "Christian society" is somewhat less than favorable. However, the institution of marriage seems to me much more natural than religious doctrine may prescribe. I am completely in favor of monogamous relationships, and I think it is still appropriate to call the lifelong commitment of a relationship "marriage."
As I identify with the male gender, I will be happy to assume the title "husband" on that fateful day when I promise to my wife that I will love her, care for her, and support her through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death. ("do us part" did not fit grammatically in that sentence.) If I am to actually go through with this (we'll get to it someday), I should make an effort to fully understand exactly what I am vowing to do. Fortunately, I don't have a religious doctrine to tie me down in these commitments, so I get to define my own vows.
First and foremost, the vows of marriage are vows of trust. From that point forward, we are to act as one entity. There should be no secrets between two parts of one whole. Not only is it about sharing information, it is about ensuring the trust that each of us will support the other in their time of need. An ailing body does not simply ignore a part of it that is injured. Sometimes it must make demands of other parts of the body in times of great struggle, but the goal should always be the optimal health for the whole body, as it should be with two people in marriage.
Secondly, I am vowing to remain faithful to my wife so long as we both shall live. Not that I have had issues with this in the past, but it is an important understanding. There is a piece of marriage that evokes feelings of propriety. It is fair to expect that both of us will share our love and our bodies with each other only. No longer are we merely individuals seeking pleasure and enjoyment wherever it may be, we are a unit that must act always with the desires of both parties in mind. To illustrate the point, Luisa would (likely) have no interest in sleeping with another woman. Therefore, I shall have no interest in it. (just making a point).
As it pertains specifically to the husband, we are both convinced of the belief that chivalry is not dead. We will fight to the death for political equality of the sexes, but at home, she is my lady, and I am her gentleman; we shall act like it. She always deserves my utmost respect and subservience (except in bed). It is my duty to protect her in all cases possible, even if I know she can handle herself. I already take great pleasure and pride in making her happy, and I find it of the noblest character to be able to put her needs before mine. Only when she is indifferent (or I think her to be endangering us) I should have my way. As a gentleman, I exist to serve her, provide for her, and protect her.
As it pertains to us personally, we have a sort of a agreement based on our mutual talents. Luisa happens to be completely directionally challenged and susceptible to panic when faced with unfamiliar situations. I, on the other hand, am completely socially inept and haven't the slightest idea how to read the emotions or intentions of others. Fortunately for us, each of these weaknesses happens to be the other's strength. As a unit, we complement each other to be able to face any situation. However, the challenge that comes with it is the understanding that when faced with unfamiliar situations and locations, I am the sole guide for finding our way despite her frustration, and I will need to be the source of strength and calm to get us out of a bad situation. On the opposite side, I must accept that my social learning curve is a shallow one; my wife's corrections are for my own benefit and are not to be taken as personal attacks. If I can do these things, I see no reason we should ever let stress get between us.
In summary, to be the husband I want to be, I shall hold true to the values of marriage that we have defined. I have defined here what I think to be the preferred arrangement for both us. Marriage is indeed a contract. It is an agreement between two people to support and love each other for the rest of their lives. Although divorce is always an unfortunate option, it must remain the last one. As long as I can remain trustworthy, faithful, and a respectable gentleman for my wife, I see no reason for this marriage to result in anything but spectacular success.
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